Spooner, Wisconsin
During a private meeting with the Wisconsin Daily Planet editorial board, a leading GOP presidential candidate revealed that former South Carolina Congressman Bob Inglis is on his short list for Vice President. A confidential source inside the meeting shared with ClimateEye a portion of the transcript, on condition that we keep the candidate’s name confidential.
The partial transcript:
Look, people ask me all the time about climate change. They say I don’t believe in climate change. Lies, just lies. I will tell you, everybody knows the climate changes. Okay? I’m not crazy. People keep asking me, how can we stop it? Look, I have solar panels. I’m pro all the energies. People love me for my energy, and environmental things frankly. I’m the best person for the Earth frankly. We are going to get the climate where it should be and you know what? China is going to pay for it. I’m so serious. We’re getting ripped off by China. They’re making our air dirty and killing our kids and the trout and the animals, beautiful animals. They’re killing them, just plop dead – they’re dead! Sad, isn’t it sad? So sad. Why? Because we’re losing! We will send the best people to negotiate the deals and China will clean up their act. We’re gonna stop the climate invasion from China, believe me. I know more about science than anyone. I went to the best school and scientists are for me. Everyday they call me and say please, please win so I can do the science in a free country. I love scientists they’re just terrific. They love me too. Bob Inglis even loves me. Now here is a guy, a smart guy, and you know what he has that I like? Guts. I think I’ll probably pick him for my VP. And let me tell you, we’ll have the best plan, and you’ll be amazed at this plan and then when the plan works and everybody who thought we had no plan sees how amazing it is, the climate will stop changing. It will be just beautiful everyday and you’ll be saying, “Mr. President, Mr. President please stop we can’t handle how beautiful it is everyday. Please stop.”
ClimateEye was unable to reach Inglis for comment, mostly likely because we are pranking him right now.
Happy April Fools!